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The current year marks a ten-year milestone since the phrase “vanishing” hit the mainstream. Back then, the notion that someone could suddenly stop communication with a lover without a word seemed like the peak of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a mate has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes unsuccessful endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly defined by social media slang.

Generation Z, a demographic who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated challenge on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a far messier terrain than their millennial elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic glossary has grown more extensive and more deranged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive breakdown to the phrases this generation is using to discuss romance, sex and the search of both. To echo one of the year’s most popular memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – For gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is presenting as your real, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend connected to a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's reaction is inquisitive or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while exuding enigma and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Support test – This means going for someone who helps you proactively. If you entered a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A outing where two people connect while running errands, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do affordable romance in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie excess, it describes pairs who choose against having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of acting aloof: practicing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Personal habits suggesting a prospective partner is bad news. For instance calling their former partners crazy, bad gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks affirm your decision to pursue a mate. Such as following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, mostly benign idiosyncrasies. For instance being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their purse, paying rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who despises the same things or individuals that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and often mundane dealbreakers that immediately kill any sense of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic act.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {